Losing you was like being written out of my own story

December 22, 2017

I’m back at the beginning. This is the full circle of circles.

Since I met you:  who knew you would be my true loss of innocence into adulthood, a meaningless transaction subdued by glances, where I have opened myself up, have you rearrange me, allow you to untangle the gold chains of my heart, love me for every shade of blue that I have hidden in the silent spaces between parentheses.

I found so much in you, reliance and stability in you. And in the midnight glances we shared, under the glistening stars, I thought we found a home in each other. I thought I would be the human (of confidence, stature, vulnerability) to belong to you. Only the human I am  no longer fits never fitted alongside you.

Now the stars that formerly sat don’t shine. I gave you my love and in return, you broke my heart. I already cried enough, I don’t want to wish I was still the one you smile too anymore (or I’m trying to convince myself), I’m trying to put my mind to rest.  My disjointed moments can’t find a home in you anymore. This is the end of the alignment, and we’re slowly untangling in the same way we met, as different humans from when we met.

You were my star, my orbit, the core of this chapter I’m so unwilling to edit. The words are on the collapse of my lips because I could, I could hold on to the catches of your eye until we are just strangers again on the street, or I could continue in my own way. And maybe, we’ll meet again as strangers on the street.

Goodbye, my love. 



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